A Twisted Outlook

On the evening of 22nd November 1983 at 11:07pm the world was inhabited with a genius.

Emerging from the darkest depths of Papa New Guinea, Jamie McNicholas boasts a vast array of talents, such as walking on all fours and licking his elbows

After staying loyal to Papa New Guinea, Jamie was deported for introducing music to the wealthy, all the while sleeping with the princess. After travelling around until he was 12 he finally ended up within the valleys of heartbreak hotel boasting a wad of cash in one hand and a can of beer in the other. By this time, Jamie had learned how to walk properly and speak. He had also started to moisturise his hands… and have the occasional manicure.

His first love was a native of Papa New Guinea, who he is still in contact with today. She was a beautiful tree with evergreen leaves and luscious bark. This is the rationale why Jamie can usually be found climbing trees and setting up camp. This was his vocation. He met KJS whilst falling out of a tree one sunny day back in 2003, suddenly a bond was made, but KJS later sold Jamie to slavery in a swap deal for a Superted DVD and a pack of salt and vinegar crisps.

Legendary status did not occur until Jamie had reached his 21st birthday. After escaping from the jaws of death of the evil sorcerer of slavery, he finally made it to England where he managed to become employed as a human torch. This resulted in being a freelance torch and he once helped Santa Claus on a foggy night and is now known around the world for this feat. This, however, was not the best paid job in the world so he went to see the bank manager. Unfortunately, the human torch was denied a bank loan.

Unfortunately, this was detrimental to his health. This brings us up to date with the tree loving human torch - he sits watching reruns of Home Improvement and licking his elbows whilst reminiscing about his first love.