I went through a list of people in my head who I thought wouldn't have official websites. I then proceeded to search for them, just incase. Michael Barrymore... Lionel Blair... Rod, Jane and Freddy... Brutus the Barber Beefcake...That funny little chap from "Happy Days"... The aforementioned heroes either didn't have websites, or did but they weren't "official", or they did have official sites... which happened to be absolutely shite. Then I came across this little beauty.
I'm pretty sure it hasn't been updated since around 2001, but who gives a flying feck?
On loading the site, you are greeted with a "Splash" page (a rather pointless introductory page with no functional purpose). Sarge's splash page has some quite heavy guitar music blaring out (I can't remember whether the music in question was ever his WWE "entrance theme"), whilst random facts about the man himself appear in a Flash animation (including one with a rather bizarre spelling of the word "capital"). You can choose to wait for these facts to run through their little cycle before the "Enter Here" button appears, or you could just click the "skip the intro" link below the animation, but this is Sarge we're talking about, we're prepared to wait a little - and I now know that that Sarge "is a General in the war on childhood disease", which is nice.
The "Splash" Page |
On clicking the Enter Here button, the site loads and you're presented with a main page consisting of a single news item and the option of clicking on various links on a rather basic menu system: "Home" (you're already there), "Biography", "Golf Events", "Charity", "Contact" and "Gallery".
So you click "Biography" and are treated to a picture of Sarge looking like he's gonna tear your bollocks off if you don't "drop and give him 20". As well as this, of course, there is a short biopic of the main man's life and career. Here is a short excerpt: -
"Sgt Slaughter, one of the most recognized figures in professional wrestling today, both in and out of the squared circle, began his professional wrestling career in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Since his debut in 1975, the 6' 6" 320 pound former military drill instructor has held every major title in the competitive world of professional wrestling."
Fascinating, I'm sure you'll agree, and there's more where that came from - like how Sarge has been invited to the White House by every recent U.S. President from Clinton to Carter and how the U.S. flag has been flown, in honour of his achievements, over Washington D.C. |
DROP AND GIMME
20 YOU POINTLESS SLIME! |
The next page is about the celebrity "Golf Events" that Sarge regularly hosts. The text tells us vague details about corporate sponsorships and about the kinds of celebrities who take part. There is actually a link to a list of the "most recent" participants (bearing in mind that it is apparent that the site hasn't been updated in around 6 years). Celebrities range from WWE stars like the Undertaker, to wrestlers I've never heard of like "Nick Bockwinkel".and people from outside the world of wrestling, who I've also never heard of, like "Dhani Jones".
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Next up is the "Charity" page, detailing how generous Sarge is when it comes to putting time aside for charity work. Here's an extract: -
"Four Time Heavyweight Champion, Sgt Slaughter, has established the Sgt Slaughter Youth Foundation. Having devoted countless hours of his personal time on behalf of charitable organizations around the country, this Foundation is the natural conclusion to those years of service. "Wrestling" with childhood diseases has been a life long contest for the Sarge and his army of devoted assistants."
By this point, we understand that even gentleman with jawbones like anvils can be very nice people! |
The next page is great for anyone wishing to book Sarge for a personal appearance (and who wouldn't?!) as it is the "Contact" page. Here's your chance, I've pasted the details, get him booked for a birthday party!
Sgt Slaughter Celebrity Golf Invitational
501 Westport Avenue # 284
Norwalk, CT 06851
Phone: 203.854.5646
Fax: 203.854.4886
You can also book Sgt Slaughter for a personal appearance. For more information call Paul Incerto at 203.854.5646 or email him at pti@sgtslaughter.com.
Finally, the best page on the site - the "Gallery". This is actually split into two galleries of Sarge's 2000 and 2001 golf invitationals, with a combined total of 264 photos of celebrity goodness (at time of writing). Here are some of the said photos: -
Sarge proves he is photogenic
Sarge out on the course
The Undertaker and Michael Hayes
Jeff Hardy |
It's not the best site on the net, by any means, in fact it's lack of updates mean by modern standards it's pretty terrible, but this is a legendary figure to all those who were interested in the "WWE" when it was still the "WWF" and it's pretty weird seeing him in his "non-wrestling" mode. It was just weird stumbling across the site full stop.
The site: -
http://www.sgtslaughter.com/
Rating (Out of 5 Sarge Smiles) : 3 |
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