To celebrate this summer's recent release of The Simpsons movie, I thought it would be a good idea to write ATO's first Simpsons-related article - A top 10 of the best characters.
Having been a fan of The Simpsons since it's creation in the late 1980's, I've therefore witnessed all of its weird and wonderful characters. With that in mind, it was very hard to pick a top 10. However, I have given it a damn good go - This is the result:-
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10. Professor John Frink
Wherever there's science, you'll find Professor Frink. With an IQ of 197, Frink has invented such things as the 8-month after pill, the automatic phone dialler... and hamburger earmuffs. His inane babbling is legendary.
Quote: "Oh my great good God! Gentlemen, your attention please. I am detecting a gigantic amphibious life-form, it's 80 meters long and it's heading this way. Oh good glayven it's on my shoe. It's a small frog, just get off, just get off there, just get out of it, get out of it. Stupid machine, oh wait a minute, this isn't the Monsterometer, it's the Frog-Exaggerator. Mm-hai." |
9. Dr. Nick Riviera
"Hi Everybody!" It's Dr. Nick - the most dangerously unqualified doctor in the history of doctors! Nick's cataclysmic career in the medical field has included making errors such as sewing a man's leg back on where his arm should be, and his arm back on where his leg should be. Needless to say I wouldn't trust his with a scalpel.
Quote: "The kneebone's connected to the... something! The something's connected to the... red thing! The red thing's connected to my wristwatch! Uh-oh..." |
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8. Chief Clancy Wiggum
Never has there been such a humorously lacklustre chief of police. Chief Wiggum is an overweight, care-free, lazy halfwit who is more likely to take a bribe than actually (heaven forbid!) do some police work. Perhaps he has only managed to keep his job due to the photographs he claims to have of Springfield's Mayor Quimby in a somewhat "compromising predicament".
Quote: "This is Papa Bear. Put out an APB for a male suspect, driving a... car of some sort, heading in the direction of, uh, you know, that place that sells chili. Suspect is hatless. Repeat, hatless." |
7. Milhouse Van Houten
Bart Simpson's best friend with the nerdy appearance. Although he can't possibly actually be a nerd because, as he told Bart, "I'm not a nerd, Bart. Nerds are smart". Milhouse suffers terribly at the hands of school bullies, and is known to be a bed wetter and still uses a child's car seat. He has a crush on Lisa Simpson and has often been seen floundering in her presence. Milhouse speaks fluent Italian.
Quote: "Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl Bart? Why did I have the bowl?" |
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6. Bart Simpson
The mischievous little scamp we all love. Bart's vocabulary has coined countless synonymous catchphrases - "Eat my shorts", "Don't have a cow, man" and "Aye Carumba!" among others. Bart's troublesome capers are legendary, and he has got himself into some unbelievable predicaments, such as being idicted for fraud in Australia, hiring a car to drive to the "world fair" only to find it was over 10 years previous, and sawing the head off the statue of his hometown's symbollic hero.
Quote: "What a day, eh, Milhouse? The sun is out, birds are singing, bees are trying to have sex with them - as is my understanding." |
5. Comic Book Guy (Jeff Albertson)
"Worst character ever". But not really of course. Owner of "The Android's Dungeon and Baseball Card Shop" and fat, nerdy slob with aspirations of being a superhero, Comic Book Guy's sarcastic arrogance towards other people's lack of nerd-knowledge is annoying, yet hilarious. He was a virgin until his mid-forties.
Quote: " Last night's 'Itchy and Scratchy Show' was, without a doubt, the worst episode ever. Rest assured, I was on the internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world." |
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4. Charles Montgomery Burns
Mr. Burns is the ruthless, megalomaniac owner of Springfield Power Plant with a total disregard for the environment... and practically anything that doesn't involve making money. The object of his assistant's (Waylon Smithers) desire, Mr. Burns' age is debatable, but could be well over 100. In one episode, he was said to have every disease known to man, but each disease was so cramped together that they cancelled each other out.
Quote: "I don't like being outdoors Smithers, for one thing, there's too many fat children." |
3. Ralph Wiggum
Dumb as a brick, Ralph is an innocent, naive, yet thoroughly disgusting little boy with a nasty habit of putting things in his nose and eating things he shouldn't. The son of Clancy - Chief of Police - Wiggum, he's the apple of his Father's eye, but his talent for getting things wrong and saying stupid things is second-to-none.
Quote: "Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!" |
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2. Moe Szyslak
Violent, aggressive, sleazy - Just three of the words you may associate with Bartender Moe, but he is also sensitive and endearing. Bizarre but true. A glutton for punishment, Moe regularly puts himself down and regularly puts up with the cheapskate, drunken regulars without batting an eyelid.
Quote: "I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt, not that fancy store-bought dirt... I can't compete with that stuff." |
1. Homer Simpson
The man, the legend. It couldn't be anyone else other than Homer at number one. He manages to be a lazy, dumb, selfish, work-shy layabout while still being extremely lovable and, at times, absolutely hilarious - you have to commend a guy for that! The predicaments Homer manages to get himself into on such a regular basis are second-to-none.
Quote: "And how is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?" |
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So there you have it. I feel a bit sexist now (I'm not!), given that all 10 are male! But sadly, I just think the male characters in The Simpsons are much better and, more specifically, funnier. I'm sure you all have your own opinions about the best Simpsons characters, but those are mine and you can't deny they're all great!
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